Song File: Everytime

Dear Kids,

I should be doing others things now but I feel like writing to you and just do whatever I need to do tomorrow. That is one thing your grandma hates about me - I love to cram! LOL

I find writing to you therapeutic even if I know that you are at this moment, still but a theory and a hope for me and your sweet dad. I guess it makes me feel that I have a purpose in life and I am imparting very important life lessons about life, dating and being carefree to you. I probably will be the Dragon Mom every Asian mom is but then I might turn out to be a cool mom too!

Anyhow, I can hope that despite me not being able to carry a tune, you would appreciate music and be able to enjoy it as much as I do. If I look back, there is always a song that best describes a time of my life.

This song, Everytime by Janet Jackson (who is she? Goggle will be a good source!), has always been special to me and evokes kilig and giddiness every time I hear it. Listen on :)

Sounds romantic, right? What more if that song started to play during your first school dance? You are on a date with J - a guy you have a huge crush on and he just asked you to dance - your very first proper slow dance.

AWWW...

I tentatively put my hands on J's shoulder and his arms go around my waist, pulling me closer that I end up encircling my hands around his neck. We slowly sway to the music and I look at him, nervous yet smiling, thanking the high heavens for this chance. He gave me a reassuring smile and told me how pretty I was that evening and made stupid yet funny jokes to crack me up.

I felt that I can die at that moment out of sheer happiness.  It was as if my short teenage life was complete.

I look back to that memory and still smile more than 15 years later and remind myself that life can be sweet and simple, we just have to enjoy the moments that life throws us.

xoxo

The J Effect

Dear Kids,

Mommy had always had a penchant for guy's names starting with J. Maybe it's a fetish (do not google that word until you are 18! Mwahaha) or just a fixation with my first crush. This might be a little heavy but the last J in my life left a big mark and it's something that I have greatly learned from and hopefully become a better person from hereon.

His name was Jerrad and part of the few and the proud of the US Marines. It was a sunny October when I met him for the first time in an out of town trip with my buddies, your uncles and probably is one of your ninongs by now. It was love at first sight and a whirlwind romance ensued the moment we met but here's the clincher - I was living in Manila and he was based in Japan. Being young, in love, and reckless, a long distance relationship started with the man in the uniform.

It was sweet, intense, addicting. He seemed to understand me and me able to read him easily as if we knew each other since we were toddlers. I became a recluse in my room, stayed online 24/7 to chat and Skype with him. Every encounter is a fleeting moment as the time we had was very limited because of the distance and nature of his job. But another catch is that the relationship was a secret with your grandparents because he isn't Chinese. I can't date outside my race. Don't worry, Mommy won't be a prude and let give you the freedom to date any decent boy or girl and race will not be an issue!

My my, all hell broke loose when my parents found out. Drama, fights, and psychological trauma soon became my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Being rebellious, I fought for him and was willing to let everything go. Yes, bye bye inheritance, bye bye princesshood. It's like you and me against the world, my dears.

I thought he was The One and I had a ring to prove it. But this is something you should always remember - promises are made to be broken.

The fairytale started with once upon a time but alas, it didn't end with happily ever after. Mommy was dumped for the first time in her life, got trashed beyond repair. Can you imaging me not screaming my lungs out and just shutting out the whole world? Horrendous I must admit!

So before giving your precious little hearts to someone, learn to love yourself and Mommy and Daddy, of course. We will never be perfect but like your grandparents, we only want what is the best for you but our ways may not be the bestest.

My battle scars are still healing and jadedness is still there but it has lead to still believe in -

Looks familiar?

Like I always say, have faith in fate!

xx

Blast from the Past

Dear Kids,

Before I go to the current conquest or heartache, I think it is due to give you a glimpse of where it all started back in 1991.. that makes me exactly a chinky eyed 8 year old living in one of the more famed streets of Manila because of the folklore of the white lady.

Anyhow, growing up as the youngest kid in the neighborhood, my playmates where 9 to 11 year old boys and a handful of girls my age. 8 years old might be too young you say but boy did I start young!

He was an 10 year old boy from the neighborhood and friends with the cooler and older boys. He was skinny, fair skinned and had this easy charm especially when he combs his hair with his hands while playing basketball.

I remember that time when I would blush to the highest heavens when I see him or peek through our window if he was out playing already. Everyone knew that he was my biggest crush and he hated me for it. You see, having a crush during that time was like a death sentence and girls weren't exactly that appealing to boys his age.

My giggles would always be for him and how I wish I'd grow up quickly so I can be his girlfriend that can cheer on him while playing basketball or ride with him is his mountain bike. I also wanted boobies and be tall to get his attention but I guess that came later on though not exactly as how I wished for it.

This crush went on for YEARS and I was teased mercilessly growing up until he started getting zits and growing an awkward mustache that didn't quite make the cute of being a legit one. So I moved on and diverted my attention to Nick, a tall blonde haired, blue eyed cutie from a band called Backstreet Boys. More on that next time :)

So I grew up and he did too and I realized all I knew about him was he was a cute boy from my neighborhood named Jeremy. My first mini heartache but it brings back funny memories as to when it all started.

xx