Virtual Love

Dear Kids,

Yes, meeting someone online and falling in love is risky and stupid. But maybe if you are lucky like me, you'll meet your soul mate. Someone who will ignite the fire in your heart and make you realize your worth. Someone you will never forget. Someone who will make you re-think and re-consider things.

People will judge and ridicule you. Some will say that he was a poser, a fake. His MO is to make girls fall and not catch them. I don't want to dwell on the negatives and be bitter about it. All I know albeit it was fleeting, it was at least for me, true.

Like someone has told me, given the choice of believing or not believing, choose to believe.

I am always and forever a romantic at heart.

Or I am always and forever the gullible naive.

Of Poems and Cassette Tapes

Just Friends

Lang Leav

I know that I don't own you,

and perhaps I never will,

so my anger when you're with her,

I have no right to feel

I know that you don't owe me,

and I shouldn't ask for more;

I shouldn't feel so let down,

all the times when you don't call.

What I feel - I shouldn't show you,

so when you're around I won't;

I know I've no right to feel it -

but it doesn't mean I don't

DKs,

When you start reading this, you would probably be the same age as I was when I experienced this story I am about to tell you guys. The poem above is a bit emo but then it brought me back to the memories when I was but a blossoming pre-teen who first discovered boys and how they can make your world go round and round.

Let's call him W and I was a shy and doe eyed 6th grader from an all girls Catholic school who sees boys as some alien creature from across the road. Or more aptly, across the street as our schools were in between a Church which was used as a meeting point of adventurous boys and giggly girls.

Anyhow, Mommy dearest had a tutor at that time and there she met W. He was a year older than her, articulate, smart, and maangas. Despite all of this and him having a bad boy reputation at our tutor, he singled me out and befriended me. What started with side comments here and there became a short chat before starting tutor to staying for another 30 minutes to talk before I went home.

Inexperienced I was, I craved the attention that this boy is giving me. I loved it when he said hi or came over to my table and sit with me. I eagerly wait for him to start talking with me for I know it will be a few minutes of kilig with this older boy who wrote poems and essays for a hobby. Months rolled by and our friendship grew, I became more confident in talking to him and was pretty happy that I had a friend who seemed all so grown up.

One day, he casually asked if he could ask for my telephone number. You know, to continue chatting during the weekends and during summer since school was about to end. My heart fluttered and skipped a beat. A boy will be calling me! This was the time when there were no pagers, no cellphones, no emails, no Facebook. The telephone is the ultimate tool to connect with the people you liked. I was in seventh heaven and was eagerly waiting for his call everyday and even asking my nanny if someone called for me when I was out during the day.

He usually called me on Saturday afternoons and almost every other day during the summer. We'd chat for hours and hours which infuriated my mother and nanny because I was hogging the phone and we didn't even call waiting then. We talked about school stuff, mundane things, poetry and music. I thought I was in love with this boy who even wrote me a poem about friendship which was scribbled on a blank sheet of paper in his scrawny script.

When school started the following year, we were talking about 80's music and how the songs were more meaningful and true. One day, he appeared out of nowhere and handed me a cassette tape which he personally recorded for me filled with 80's love songs. He carefully listed all the songs on the sleeve of the cassette and sheepishly said that he had to add the song Zombie by The Cranberries just because. Oh my oh my, was Mommy so giddy with this little gift and made me want to gush every time I saw him. I listened to the tape everyday, again and again trying to decipher if he wanted to convey something through the songs he chose.

But alas, young love was not for me as one day he told me he liked someone and wanted me to help him send her letters and gifts. What crushed my heart more was that this girl he fancied was a friend of mine! I was in tears as I hurried back to my room and tore the piece of paper where he had written the poem for me. I played the cassette tape one last time and threw it in the trash can. My little heart was broken into tiny pieces and I vowed never to talk to him again and started to avoid him and his calls.

So my young loves, be careful of boys who write you poems and make you listen to sappy music, they just want to be friends and you will end up heartbroken like your Mommy dear. LOL

P.S. Mommy just stalked him in Facebook (yes, we are friends there!) and I saw that he now has a baby with his girlfriend. And that girl he fancied? She's now married too :)

xoxo

Look who's Laughing now?

My DKs,

Back when mommy was a bright eyed teenager, she liked basket ball players. And as lady luck would have it, I met a then charming guy from another school who plays in the varsity.

In my blind eyes then, he was tall enough, had the moves, and well.. your grand mama loved him. Basically, he looked good in paper - good family, a sportsman, looks decent, and CHINESE. Everything was going well, he;d visit me a number of times a week at home, be in constant communication, he was even my Ball date and my last dance during my debut.

Then he drop me just like that - like a freaking hot potato.

I was devastated. My fragile young heart crushed into a million pieces wondering what I did or said wrong to be dropped just like that. My friends, intervening asked why the change of heart and know what the douche bag said?

"Because K doesn't want to show me her messages in her cellphone"

WTF? hahaha I mean, think of a better excuse, though the movie She's not that into me hasn't been shown yet as to clue me in on the real score.

Anyway, fast forward to present time. I totally forgot about him and had more heartbreaks, much much more terrible than that. I was at the gym, getting all icky and sweaty trying to get into shape when this guy was staring at me and I realizes that it was HIM - C.

He was smiling and expected me to smile back I guess but being snobby me, I turned the other way and continued on what I was doing. Of course I remembered him, every bit of detail from the past came rushing in but would I give him the pleasure of knowing I didn't forget? HELL NO.

C even approached my trainer to tell him that he knew me but I was being mataray, minding my own business and just walking past through them. He even followed me to the elevator and approach me as I was exiting the building.

Yes, I didnt give him that satisfaction, I even said I didn't remember him and asked for his name. Mwahaha.. but then I realized it can only go so far that I had to say that I did remember and it was such a long time ago. So he asked for my number and being polite, I gave it but I didn't ask for his.

He has been texting me regularly and even asked me out. But I'd take forever to reply, be civil and not so welcoming. I hope he'd get a clue that I grew up and think he's a douche already.

Oh gimme a sec, he just texted me - AGAIN.

Mwahahaha... so who's laughing now, C? :p

Look who'd laughing now?

The J Effect

Dear Kids,

Mommy had always had a penchant for guy's names starting with J. Maybe it's a fetish (do not google that word until you are 18! Mwahaha) or just a fixation with my first crush. This might be a little heavy but the last J in my life left a big mark and it's something that I have greatly learned from and hopefully become a better person from hereon.

His name was Jerrad and part of the few and the proud of the US Marines. It was a sunny October when I met him for the first time in an out of town trip with my buddies, your uncles and probably is one of your ninongs by now. It was love at first sight and a whirlwind romance ensued the moment we met but here's the clincher - I was living in Manila and he was based in Japan. Being young, in love, and reckless, a long distance relationship started with the man in the uniform.

It was sweet, intense, addicting. He seemed to understand me and me able to read him easily as if we knew each other since we were toddlers. I became a recluse in my room, stayed online 24/7 to chat and Skype with him. Every encounter is a fleeting moment as the time we had was very limited because of the distance and nature of his job. But another catch is that the relationship was a secret with your grandparents because he isn't Chinese. I can't date outside my race. Don't worry, Mommy won't be a prude and let give you the freedom to date any decent boy or girl and race will not be an issue!

My my, all hell broke loose when my parents found out. Drama, fights, and psychological trauma soon became my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Being rebellious, I fought for him and was willing to let everything go. Yes, bye bye inheritance, bye bye princesshood. It's like you and me against the world, my dears.

I thought he was The One and I had a ring to prove it. But this is something you should always remember - promises are made to be broken.

The fairytale started with once upon a time but alas, it didn't end with happily ever after. Mommy was dumped for the first time in her life, got trashed beyond repair. Can you imaging me not screaming my lungs out and just shutting out the whole world? Horrendous I must admit!

So before giving your precious little hearts to someone, learn to love yourself and Mommy and Daddy, of course. We will never be perfect but like your grandparents, we only want what is the best for you but our ways may not be the bestest.

My battle scars are still healing and jadedness is still there but it has lead to still believe in -

Looks familiar?

Like I always say, have faith in fate!

xx

Blast from the Past

Dear Kids,

Before I go to the current conquest or heartache, I think it is due to give you a glimpse of where it all started back in 1991.. that makes me exactly a chinky eyed 8 year old living in one of the more famed streets of Manila because of the folklore of the white lady.

Anyhow, growing up as the youngest kid in the neighborhood, my playmates where 9 to 11 year old boys and a handful of girls my age. 8 years old might be too young you say but boy did I start young!

He was an 10 year old boy from the neighborhood and friends with the cooler and older boys. He was skinny, fair skinned and had this easy charm especially when he combs his hair with his hands while playing basketball.

I remember that time when I would blush to the highest heavens when I see him or peek through our window if he was out playing already. Everyone knew that he was my biggest crush and he hated me for it. You see, having a crush during that time was like a death sentence and girls weren't exactly that appealing to boys his age.

My giggles would always be for him and how I wish I'd grow up quickly so I can be his girlfriend that can cheer on him while playing basketball or ride with him is his mountain bike. I also wanted boobies and be tall to get his attention but I guess that came later on though not exactly as how I wished for it.

This crush went on for YEARS and I was teased mercilessly growing up until he started getting zits and growing an awkward mustache that didn't quite make the cute of being a legit one. So I moved on and diverted my attention to Nick, a tall blonde haired, blue eyed cutie from a band called Backstreet Boys. More on that next time :)

So I grew up and he did too and I realized all I knew about him was he was a cute boy from my neighborhood named Jeremy. My first mini heartache but it brings back funny memories as to when it all started.

xx