Song File: Everytime

Dear Kids,

I should be doing others things now but I feel like writing to you and just do whatever I need to do tomorrow. That is one thing your grandma hates about me - I love to cram! LOL

I find writing to you therapeutic even if I know that you are at this moment, still but a theory and a hope for me and your sweet dad. I guess it makes me feel that I have a purpose in life and I am imparting very important life lessons about life, dating and being carefree to you. I probably will be the Dragon Mom every Asian mom is but then I might turn out to be a cool mom too!

Anyhow, I can hope that despite me not being able to carry a tune, you would appreciate music and be able to enjoy it as much as I do. If I look back, there is always a song that best describes a time of my life.

This song, Everytime by Janet Jackson (who is she? Goggle will be a good source!), has always been special to me and evokes kilig and giddiness every time I hear it. Listen on :)

Sounds romantic, right? What more if that song started to play during your first school dance? You are on a date with J - a guy you have a huge crush on and he just asked you to dance - your very first proper slow dance.

AWWW...

I tentatively put my hands on J's shoulder and his arms go around my waist, pulling me closer that I end up encircling my hands around his neck. We slowly sway to the music and I look at him, nervous yet smiling, thanking the high heavens for this chance. He gave me a reassuring smile and told me how pretty I was that evening and made stupid yet funny jokes to crack me up.

I felt that I can die at that moment out of sheer happiness.  It was as if my short teenage life was complete.

I look back to that memory and still smile more than 15 years later and remind myself that life can be sweet and simple, we just have to enjoy the moments that life throws us.

xoxo

Virtual Love

Dear Kids,

Yes, meeting someone online and falling in love is risky and stupid. But maybe if you are lucky like me, you'll meet your soul mate. Someone who will ignite the fire in your heart and make you realize your worth. Someone you will never forget. Someone who will make you re-think and re-consider things.

People will judge and ridicule you. Some will say that he was a poser, a fake. His MO is to make girls fall and not catch them. I don't want to dwell on the negatives and be bitter about it. All I know albeit it was fleeting, it was at least for me, true.

Like someone has told me, given the choice of believing or not believing, choose to believe.

I am always and forever a romantic at heart.

Or I am always and forever the gullible naive.

The Greek Files

Dear Kids,

One day I hope to be able to take you to the Greek Isles and enjoy and have a relaxing summer break there. I have fond memories of the island specifically in Mykonos and Santorini. And knowing how your Mommy is, I have not one but two adventures to share!

I
We had a hot tour guide when we were in Santorini. Think a of young, buff, tanned Greek version of Tom Cruise. Always in his aviators and leather jacket. Yes, he was crushable but I wasn't really interested at that time. So I was on my picture taking spree not realizing that he was taking notice of me.

One time during dinner, he was teasing me and being dense, I was like "What is wrong with you?". Until one of our tourmates told me that he has a big crush on me. He was starting to talk to me more and more each day and would even photobomb some of our pictures. He'd also bring out his camera and take pictures with me in it LOL Haba ng hair moment!

After dropping the lot at the hotel, tour guides would usually go on their ways but he would usually stay around hoping to talk to me and spend a few more minutes or hours talking or having a drink at the bar. I told him I was seeing someone back home and said that he understood and just wanted to be friends.

On our flight back to Athens, he gave me a big hug and told me that he would miss me. He handed me a piece of paper where his contact details were scribbled.

We're Facebook friends until now :)

D
We were in Mykonos and our bus driver had a very cute son, D. His was tagging along with his dad for the duration of the tour. Everyone was gushing about him since he was very cute - think blonde hair, blue eyes, cute smile. He didn't speak much English though so communicating with him was hard! But eyes on the prize, you're mommy dear was dead set on getting to know this cute guy.

It started with shy hi and hello's to sharing snacks with him to asking his name and age to see how much English he spoke. It wasn't much but it was enough for us to communicate and start spending lots of time together. From where he was seated at the back, he then moved closer to where I was so we can play games during the long drives. I was the envy of the whole bus because I became such friends with this cutie that we were spending all our free time together.

On our last day, I had my picture taken with D as a remembrance -

Did I forget to mention he was 7 years old? LOL

Mr. Zit Face

Dear Kids,

Mommy is suffering from a major jet lag today having downed 2 pseudo sleeping pills last night and still can't sleep. So.. I am at work and slacking off and thought of amusing you guys with another story of my boy crazy young life LOL

I've been wanting to tell you about this funny story about a guy that I met. Due to my brain being sluggish today, I had to sit down and think hard on what his name was. I can picture him in my mind and will never forget how he looks like. I had to stalk a few people on Facebook to look for him because it was bugging me that my memory is failing me at such a young age.

Anyhow, let's call him G and I met him and a bunch of like-minded individuals with a similar background from an online forum that I used to go to. We're pretty much a minority so we bonded easily because of common friends, background and culture. It was pretty fun meeting people and knowing that they know someone that you know but still relatively a stranger to you. The online friendship would naturally run it's course and it was time to meet up face to face.

So it was set. 4 of us, 2 guys and 2 girls were set to meet for the first time one Friday night after work. I knew that the other girl K, fancied the other guy called K. I was there to meet new friends and was on a dating spree already so I never really thought of pairing it up with G.

I first met up with G since we were both early and my first reaction was man, this guy looks like 10 years older than me! And he was just about 5 years my senior if I remember it right. We settled into a cafe and started talking while waiting for the other two. By the time the other two arrived, I knew G was interested in me but I totally wasn't.

Night went well, a lot of stories and trying to figure out how many degrees of separation we all had between us. I was going to take a cab home but he was insisting to drive me home since my place was on the way home for him. I resisted nicely, smiling and said that it was alright and it would be traffic on a Friday night. He persisted saying that it would be his pleasure to drive me home. Now now kids, Mommy sometimes has to be practical and it was a Friday night so I relented and I let him drive me home.

The traffic was HELL and he was taking his sweet time to drive me home and trying to extend the conversation in the car. He was leaning close to me and I can see his face clearly and it was like this -

He was trying to tell me as bluntly and casually as he could that he like me and wanted to see me more. I didn't want to turn him down in his car during a heavy traffic so I neither said yes or know and just said that let's see since I am very busy but would want to remain friends and keep in touch.

But in all honesty, all I wanted to do was to prick those tiny puss filled zits all over his face one by one. I have to stop myself and concentrate not to give in to temptation. I felt so bad dear kids because Mommy did suffer from acne growing up but I just can't help it! LOL

Needless to say, I didn't see him again after that for the fear that I might traumatize him and start picking on his zits.

HAHAHAHA

Love and Bitterness

Dear Kids,

One thing I want to be able to teach you in life is to live it fully, without any bitterness in your heart. Learn to give, love and be happy for those that are around you even if sometimes it doesn't mean that you are happy too. I can't say that I would be the best example now (thank goodness you kids aren't born yet!) but hopefully I am getting there.

A few weeks ago Mommy's first boyfriend got married. He was my first love and it was one of those you-and-me-against-the-world kind of love. A love that you look back on and cherish because it was young, pure and innocent.

Some people are bitter towards their ex-partners and I can't fault them and their reasons because I am like that too (hence the blog LOL). But then this specific person, B was something else. I remember saying that he will always have a special place in my heart and true enough, almost 15 years has passed and he still does.

I see his Facebook and can't help but smile that he is happy and finally together with the woman he will be spending the rest of his life with.

The essence of love doesn't mean that you have to be with someone but to be able to whole heartedly say that you are happy for them with or without you.

Sometimes when life turns sour and shitty, you will have these kinds of things to remind you that life isn't so bad at all and that you have to let go of any bitterness in you to be truly happy.

xoxo,

Women's Sneaky Ways: Stalking the Competition

DKs,

Let me veer away from my very colorful dating history and let me tell you about this breed of women that you should be very wary about. It goes both ways, for my sweet son, you better run away from these toxic girls who would be crazier than Mommy Dearest. My dearest daughter, I hope you do not turn into one once you start being a heartthrob thanks to my genes.

Admittedly, I could be someone like that to an extent but this crazy women is totally something else.

So on the advent of Instagram, Mommy was one of those who got hooked posting pictures of random stuff and pretty much kept my profile public. One day I noticed that a very familiar name liked one of my very old pictures. Say who it was? Drumroll please.... *&(^*%$(# or more commonly known to you as S's then girlfriend and now wife.


You see, S' wife (let's call her J), hates your super sweet Mommy to bits. I know she has said stuff is easily peeved she sees or hears me. Yes, Mommy is that important in her life HAHAHA. Too important to stalk my Instagram pictures after I dumped her husband 8 years ago. See DKs, 8 freaking years

I don't know why J is so hung up with me after all these years. Maybe because S was still pestering me even after they started a relationship. Maybe be because even after me telling her that her then boyfriend was still wanting to see and talk to me, she had the gall to think that I was trying to ruin their blissful relationship. I mean, S wasn't a catch and he was such an asshole to me so it was good riddance.

So, the moral of the story?

(Aren't you glad I didn't end up with him? He's balding now.. LOL)

Of Poems and Cassette Tapes

Just Friends

Lang Leav

I know that I don't own you,

and perhaps I never will,

so my anger when you're with her,

I have no right to feel

I know that you don't owe me,

and I shouldn't ask for more;

I shouldn't feel so let down,

all the times when you don't call.

What I feel - I shouldn't show you,

so when you're around I won't;

I know I've no right to feel it -

but it doesn't mean I don't

DKs,

When you start reading this, you would probably be the same age as I was when I experienced this story I am about to tell you guys. The poem above is a bit emo but then it brought me back to the memories when I was but a blossoming pre-teen who first discovered boys and how they can make your world go round and round.

Let's call him W and I was a shy and doe eyed 6th grader from an all girls Catholic school who sees boys as some alien creature from across the road. Or more aptly, across the street as our schools were in between a Church which was used as a meeting point of adventurous boys and giggly girls.

Anyhow, Mommy dearest had a tutor at that time and there she met W. He was a year older than her, articulate, smart, and maangas. Despite all of this and him having a bad boy reputation at our tutor, he singled me out and befriended me. What started with side comments here and there became a short chat before starting tutor to staying for another 30 minutes to talk before I went home.

Inexperienced I was, I craved the attention that this boy is giving me. I loved it when he said hi or came over to my table and sit with me. I eagerly wait for him to start talking with me for I know it will be a few minutes of kilig with this older boy who wrote poems and essays for a hobby. Months rolled by and our friendship grew, I became more confident in talking to him and was pretty happy that I had a friend who seemed all so grown up.

One day, he casually asked if he could ask for my telephone number. You know, to continue chatting during the weekends and during summer since school was about to end. My heart fluttered and skipped a beat. A boy will be calling me! This was the time when there were no pagers, no cellphones, no emails, no Facebook. The telephone is the ultimate tool to connect with the people you liked. I was in seventh heaven and was eagerly waiting for his call everyday and even asking my nanny if someone called for me when I was out during the day.

He usually called me on Saturday afternoons and almost every other day during the summer. We'd chat for hours and hours which infuriated my mother and nanny because I was hogging the phone and we didn't even call waiting then. We talked about school stuff, mundane things, poetry and music. I thought I was in love with this boy who even wrote me a poem about friendship which was scribbled on a blank sheet of paper in his scrawny script.

When school started the following year, we were talking about 80's music and how the songs were more meaningful and true. One day, he appeared out of nowhere and handed me a cassette tape which he personally recorded for me filled with 80's love songs. He carefully listed all the songs on the sleeve of the cassette and sheepishly said that he had to add the song Zombie by The Cranberries just because. Oh my oh my, was Mommy so giddy with this little gift and made me want to gush every time I saw him. I listened to the tape everyday, again and again trying to decipher if he wanted to convey something through the songs he chose.

But alas, young love was not for me as one day he told me he liked someone and wanted me to help him send her letters and gifts. What crushed my heart more was that this girl he fancied was a friend of mine! I was in tears as I hurried back to my room and tore the piece of paper where he had written the poem for me. I played the cassette tape one last time and threw it in the trash can. My little heart was broken into tiny pieces and I vowed never to talk to him again and started to avoid him and his calls.

So my young loves, be careful of boys who write you poems and make you listen to sappy music, they just want to be friends and you will end up heartbroken like your Mommy dear. LOL

P.S. Mommy just stalked him in Facebook (yes, we are friends there!) and I saw that he now has a baby with his girlfriend. And that girl he fancied? She's now married too :)

xoxo